GI Jane Finances

December 30, 2010

Love and money

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , — gijanefinances @ 8:54 am

I decided that this is the year for me to actively look for a mate.  I haven’t been dating for a while.  Dating in the military is very difficult.  Especially the older I get, the more drama, innuendos and gossip that comes with it.  It really takes a toll on me.  And I really hate gossip.  Since I am an officer, the pool for me to wade in is pretty small.  Nevertheless, since I am celibate, I get these bizarre proposals that do not make any sense.  Therefore, I bought Patti Stanger’s book, Be your own matchmaker, to complement my dating manual for the past four years Sherry Argov’s Why Men Love Bitches.  Argov’s book changed everything for me…it was revolutionary.

I never watched Stanger’s show on Bravo, but I think she knows what she is talking about.  What I discovered on my own is that withholding sex is a very powerful thing.  Especially, when women sleeps with men so easily and quickly these days.  It really is about self-esteem and respect.  According to Temptations of a Single Girl,”sex is like having dessert before the meal.”  Back to Stanger’s book, she talked about qualifying the buyer or suitor.  Not that I want to be celibate forever, but I have been patiently observing men for years.  Men will tell you anything, I only look at their actions.

Anyway, I did an exercise from the book about what qualities I look for in a mate:

Spiritual

1.  Believe in G-d

2.  Attend church

Physical

1. Nice teeth

2. Great hair

3. Nice build

4. Good height

Emotional

1.  Affectionate

2.  Compassionate

3.  Supportive

4.  Honest

5.  Wants to get married

Intellectual

1.  Educated

2. Well-read

Financial

1.  Saves money

2. Does not gamble

3. Earns a good living

4.  Invests well

5.  Generous (not a miser)

5 non-negotiables

1.  Gambles

2.  Not well-read or educated

3. Bad teeth

4.  Not commitment oriented

5.  Does not make a good living

So, now I plan on going on my dating detox from now until March.  Dating detox means that I will pretty much “date myself” for three months.  My job will make it difficult to date anyone from Feb-Mar.  I also want to avoid starting anything around any romantic holiday.  Plus, I am moving in June, so I should wait until after I move.  But I really like Stanger’s suggestion of taking up golf because that is where men congregate.   I never had any interest in golf before.  I should have had an interest in golf, it is good for your career.  I have no idea why I resisted learning. I will start in March and continue at my next base.  She also mentioned training for a marathon.  I should have done that too, especially at my last base, when I was asked to.  What an idiot!

I have been a complete slacker in this area of my life.  I really think I am a commitment phobe.  My parents, even though they are still together, had a marriage from hell.  All of my siblings are single with no plans not to be. I am putting out counterproductive energy unintentionally.  I think just like how I paid attention to my finances, positive changes occurred, the same needs to happen in my love life.

Here’s to 2011!

GI Jane

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February 21, 2010

Marriage and Money

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , — gijanefinances @ 5:24 pm

Last night, I watched the Suze Orman Valentine’s day podcast.  Even though I do not follow her concepts anymore, especially about FICO scores and being OK with good debt (student loans, mortgage and etc…), since she started me on my financial journey…I still watch her show.  She had a couple who was married, divorced and wanted to marry again.  It would be her third time around and the fourth for the guy.  She only earned $25k to his $75k.  He wanted her to sign a prenuptial again–it was a bone of contention the last time they were married.  He is responsible with money and she is not.  Of course, she wanted to remarry just for sake of survival.  Suze recommended they slow down and live together first for a year under a more equitable money system before they marry again.  I did not agree in regards to living together.  But they do need to slow down.

Then she took a call from a guy whose wife wanted him to upgrade her ring.  Suze vehemently denied the upgrade as it would deplete their emergency fund.  I completely agree with that.  I had a friend who was embarrassed by her engagement ring and made him buy a better one.  I am not a ring person.  But if a guy bought me a ring, unless it looked straight out of a cracker jack box, I would cherish it. 

I am not a very swept away kind of person.  A regular money talk with your SO that you may plan on spending your life together is critical.  My friend just got married on New Year’s eve at a very low key BBQ.  It probably cost $100.  She is like my money “idol.”  Never had any debt.  Excellent career.  Tremendous savings.  She spent about 3 1/2 years vetting the guy–who happens to be a colonel.  But I see her as a dream come true for a man who won’t feel emasculated by a successful woman. 

However, I see very much the opposite in the military, especially in Korea.  Lots of military men marry “juicy” girls or random locals.  There are some military to military couples.  It is usually the exception rather than the norm.  Being the primary breadwinner equals power in relationships.  Nevertheless, my friends and even my wonderful Korean realtor tell me that I should be married.  I agree, but with due diligence!

GI Jane

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